This article refers to males and females alike. You may think that love is something that is simply thrown upon you, but this is an unhealthy assumption which could lead to problematic heart breaking scenarios. Here is how to choose who you love and not simply be swept up by moments of lust, infatuation or sheer silliness.
Steps
1
Reflect on the love you've already experienced but not had reflected back.Has it ever happened to you that you fell in love with someone? Most people do. But as you may already know, it's not always mutual. And having a one sided love affair.. well.. sucks. The main problem is, that when you fall in love, especially when it's for the first time, you feel the other person is perfect. You truly and utterly believe that you will never be able to find a partner that will fit you like that person. This of course leads you to obsession. You become obsessed with that person, and you will most likely suffer, until you'll be able to forget them, and keep on with your life. Problem is, this might happen again.. so, as you may well know, the best type of treatment is to prevent the problem from happening in the first place.
2
Stop leaving love as passive. Love is not something which is simply thrown upon you. You may not know that, but love is a choice. You choose who you love. Yet, this might seem like a nice sentence, you most likely don't understand it yet. You must change your perception of the word love: Love is actually the manifestation of your own being. That is, it depends on how much thought you put into something, how much you care about something. Or someone. You see, let's give you an example:
- Let's say you see some dog, (well assuming you like dogs, it could be a cat, or even a penguin for that matter). Well, you might think it's cute and all, but if he will get hurt, you won't care that much.. and even if you will, it won't bother you for long. Let's assume that you took care of this dog, you cared about him, you thought about him, you fed him. He then became a part of you. He became a manifestation of your own being. Now, the more you invest time and effort and thought into something or someone, the more you're gonna love them.
3
Realize that we relate to ourselves much better than we relate to others. We love ourselves more than we love others (Yes, this might seem peculiar for some people who aren't very fond of themselves, but it's just a temporary feeling; you surely care about yourself more than you care about someone else). Now, when we do "invest" a part of ourselves into something or someone, we start loving it, or them. And that's because we love ourselves, we feel connected to that person by the actions and thoughts we have invested in that person (or dog for that matter). And the more time we think and imagine that person, the more we care about him. Because that person becomes a part of who we are, a part of yourself is now embedded into that person, a part of your soul is now a part of that person. That's why you love him/her/it.
4
Accept that love is a matter of choice. You can invest time, effort and thought into anyone, which will result in you loving that person. Now, when you know love is a matter of choice, you can logically think if you're obsessed about someone for a logical reason, or just because you chose to be obsessed with that person. It's all a matter of choices in life, and love, just like many other things, is a matter of choice.